The Clanton Gang: May 2008

Wesley-one day old

This week was filled with a lot of "anniversaries." As I posted before, Wednesday was our 10th anniversary. It was also Wesley's first birthday. And Thursday was the first anniversary of the phone call that changed our lives. And Friday was the first anniversary of the day we brought our little man home. Almost every time I looked at my watch on Thursday and Friday, I could remember exactly what we were doing a year ago. It was definitely a week filled with happy memories and warm feelings.

Wesley with his big sister and cousins

So with this first anniversary of Wesley's arrival into our family, I wanted to share our adoption story. I was asked to write this for the local chapter of FSA (Families Supporting Adoption--a group for adoptive parents affiliated with LDS Family Services). It's kinda long, so don't feel like you have to read it. For those of you who don't know our story, it might be interesting.

Wesley and mom

The Long Road

Our journey to adoption was unexpected (and an amazing lesson on patience and realizing that things will not always go the way I had them planned.) After being married for about three years and not renewing my birth control prescription, we got pregnant. It was as simple as that; totally unexpected but very welcome! And like most other couples, we assumed that it would be just as easy when we decided to have another. So when Maddie was 18 months old, we started actively trying to have another. Our plan was to have 3-4 children, all about 2 1/2 years apart. After 6 months I went to the doctor for my yearly visit. She said to not worry--it's very normal to take up to a year to get pregnant. Well, a year came and went and still no baby. I was starting to get very anxious so we decided to get medical help. And so began the infertility roller coaster.

Dealing with infertility is almost like an addiction. It was on my mind almost every second of the day. I could not stay off the internet. I was constantly researching the latest and greatest ways to get pregnant. (There are LOTS of crazy ideas out there!!) I charted my morning body temperature for weeks at a time; I urinated on a little ovulation predictor tester every morning for months; I used this little microscope thing to look at the particles in my saliva to see if they indicated I was ovulating; I took months' and months' worth of fertility drugs that made me emotionally unstable; and we unsuccessfully tried artificial insemination on several occasions. My OB/GYN and I were on a first-name basis because I saw her about every other week when we were in the thick of it all. Nothing seemed to work. We were tired and worn out--physically and emotionally and financially. But I still wanted another baby. I didn't want Maddie to grow up as an only child.

I'm not sure why we decided to look into adoption. It was always something we thought we do when we were "finished having kids of our own." We met with Matt Watson, the former director of the LDSFS-GA agency and felt very inspired that adoption was our answer. We took the paperwork home and were prepared to have it all filled out in a month. But within two weeks of meeting with Matt, we found out I was pregnant. Yay! All of our worries were for naught. After three years of trying, I was pregnant. This was the answer to our prayers and the infertility issues were just to make us stronger, blah, blah, blah. Well, before I even made it to the OB, I miscarried. It was during that awful time that I decided I was finished. I had to get off the roller coaster, even if it meant Maddie would grow up without siblings. It was just too much.

Fast forward a year and a half later. Adoption had been in the back of our minds, but we were both so emotionally drained from all of the medical things we had gone through, neither of us said anything about it. Then one day I got a phone call from my mom about a girl in my parents' old ward who was pregnant, working with LDS Family Services, and looking to place her baby. The girl's mom knew about our struggles and thought we should be the parents of her daughter's baby. I knew immediately that this baby was supposed to be in our family. I tried not to get my hopes up, but I just couldn't help it.We were going to have a baby and I was excited! We were ready to drop everything and drive four hours to go and meet this girl and convince her that we were supposed to be her baby's parents. And after doing nothing with the paperwork for almost 18 months, I had it all finished in about a week. Unfortunately, things did not work out the way we had hoped. I was sad that this little boy would not be in our family, but I was surprisingly okay with it all. This incident forced us to stop being lazy and take action. I'm actually very grateful for this experience--we'd probably still be just thinking about adoption if all of that hadn't happened.

Well, fast forward again to May of 2007. We got the best phone call of our lives! It was the day after our 9th anniversary and Brad called to let us know that a birth mom had chosen us. Us! She had chosen us to raise her little boy! We were ecstactic, to say the least! And the best part was that the little baby was already born! We got to meet him and his birth mother the same day we found out about them. It was the most amazing experience we have ever had. Birthing a child is an awesome experience--I'm grateful I had that blessing. But hugging the woman who is giving you her child--her flesh and blood--there are just no words to describe that. The bond is instant and forever.

We were extremely blessed to spend a lot of time with Wesley's birthmother, LiTrease. She tried to get us a room in the hospital and security bracelets so we could take care of Welsey, but the hospital wasn't very cooperative. (I don't think they really knew what to do with the situation. It's probably not something they deal with often). We spent hours talking to her--we wanted to find out everything we could so we can someday tell Wesley about the amazing woman who gave birth to him. LiTrease let us choose a name for him(even though she had to fill out the paperwork) and she was totally at ease when my sisters, mom, nieces and nephew came to the hospital to meet Wesley. It was almost like she was trying to make everything easier for us, like we were the ones who had it rough.

Welsey and LiTrease

The hardest part of the whole experience was when it was time to say goodbye. It's a strange thing to feel opposite ends of the happiness spectrum at the same time. Even our little five-year-old Maddie could sense the ironic nature of the situation, "I feel so happy we get the baby, but I'm so sad because we have to leave LiTrease." LiTrease's suffering seemed to be the cause of our immense joy. We spent almost an hour watching her tell Wesley goodbye. It's an hour of pure emotion that I hope to someday tell Wesley all about. I want him to know that he had the love of three parents.

Life with Wesley has been wonderful! He fit into our family from the moment we met him. He is laid-back and easy-going. He has the cutest dimples and chub rolls that we just can't get enough of. His laugh is contagious and his sister loves him more than life itself. We were blessed to have Wesley sealed to us for all time and eternity on January 5. That sweet experience itself was worth every minute of anguish over our infertility. For us, adoption has become more than just an answer to our prayers. It has totally changed our lives. We are very open about our adoption and love to tell our story to everyone (including strangers!) We try to dispel the uninformed opinions and stigmas that most people seem to have about adoption (especially open adoption.)We wish everyone could experience the sweetness that adoption has brought to our family!